Your Horoscope for the Week of May 20


You shouldn’t even go out this week, not because bad things will happen. But you’ve just been boring people lately! Learn the art of convo, Cap, and get out of your own head before you get out of your house.


There’s a new moon and this brings about revolutionary ideas like socks for your hands or lip liner for your ears. Let the creative juices flow in this new start where Mars is entering your sign.


Pisces, you’ll be feeling the love this week with Venus entering your sign. You may find the love of your life this week, be on the lookout for someone in a bright green apple jacks tee. With a good shower and a new cologne, you’re good to go.


You’ll be feeling moodier than usual Aries, be sure to drink some falooda or a kulfi with your breakfast and lunch to add some sweetness to your mood. Pluto gains a new moon by the week’s end so your snarky disposition should improve.


Rock hard Taurus, this week Mercury is throwing an all-night rave in your second house of the beaches, so you’ll be #LIT all week long. Pop those bottles and get the party started, Hukuna Matata baby!


Gemini season is on the horizon and Saturn’s third ring is flooded so you’re about to feel the need to urinate often this week. Reduce your liquid intake to keep that bladder at bay.


Vampires are sucking your energy this week so beware of people in red who are allergic to garlic. Preserve and recoup your energy sources this week with massages, retail therapy, coloring in rainbows, and aromatherapy.


Your anxiety is on high alert this week as Jupiter enters your sign along with a new moon. You’ll be on your tippy toes and barking orders at everyone due to your anxiety. So here’s a reminder to calm yo ass down, your anxiety is going to piss off everyone so stop, breathe, count the clouds in the sky, and re-evaluate the situation.


Oohh baby, you are oozing the sex appeal this week. Mars is the planet of assertive energy, and with it moving into your sign you will be making moves to change things up in your social life and at work. Take initiatives to upgrade your life.


With Saturn in retrograde, you will be rattled up with your home life for the next week. Expect some intense chaos, this week, like hurricane Katrina about to whip through your life level of chaos. Eat 2 onions and drink nimbo pani every day of the week that has a “T” in it to tone down the destruction.


With Uranus moon hopping across your sign, there will be some instability in relationships this week. You may have trouble finding a balance between work and family. Keep your windows open when you sleep and make sure you sleep facing the South to find balance.


Your hunger will increase this week as Jupiter moves into your third house of cheeseburgers. It will be a time of binge eating and possibly some Netflix and chilling. Try not to resist, just let yourself indulge in the fatty food intake.


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