Life is always a little awkward as a desi girl. Sometimes you just want to stop, breathe, and crawl into a ball in the middle of Whole Foods from the fear of your mother calling you one more time about how this new rishta is the one, she just knows it.

Desi girls are raised in our society with excessively high standards while a desi guy who can wake up before 8 a.m. gets to take home the Nobel Peace Prize for his knowledge on how to use an alarm clock.

I mean, 8 a.m? Gosh, that must be so hard!

Really? Please, do tell me more about your brown boy privilege….

Desi girls have to know how to cook decent desi food, make a round roti, make our chai the perfect shade of brown, learn how to do laundry without turning everything pink, and keep the entire house clean, all while we get higher degrees, take on internships, volunteer at the hospital, hold down a full time job, make sure we get in a workout at the gym so we “stay thin enough,” get paid less than our male counterparts, avoid the sun so we don’t become “too dark,” not stay out past 9 p.m. but still magically find the perfect boy to marry at the age of 25 and produce babies before we’re 35.

So excuse me if I’m late to work sometimes because I’m having some technical difficulties.

Here are some excuses my fellow gorgeous desi girls can use when they’re running late for work because these ridiculous things actually happen to us:

1. Sorry, my dad needed me to drive over to his house to pass him the remote.

2. I had to go on a date at the mall at 9 a.m. to “accidentally” meet my aunt’s best friend who has a son that’s a doctor.

3. My chai wasn’t the right shade this morning, I had to remake it.

4. I need to leave early so I can learn to sew so I can alter my cousin’s sangeet outfit before the party tonight.

5. I needed to pick up some gulab jamuns to pass off as my mom made them for the prospective suitor and his family who are coming over tonight because my mom didn’t have time to actually make them.

6. I was trying to decipher if garlic naan is a carb?

7. I lost my keys in the biryani I made last night.

8. I had a severe allergic reaction to my latest rishta.

9. My dupatta got caught in the car door.

10. I was stuck at a matrimony event.

11. Zee TV was airing “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham,” I couldn’t leave before the movie ended!

12. It’s Shah Rukh Khan’s birthday, I thought that was an international holiday, right?

13. I got cornered by a rishta auntie, I barely escaped with my life.

14. Sorry, I’m still waiting for the cable guy to come fix the television because Star Plus is no longer working at our house.

15. I was up late last night catching up on my daily soaps so I slept through my alarm clock this morning.

16. This morning my parents felt the need to have a talk with me about me staying positive on this husband search because they fear I may be a lesbian.

17. My aunt called from the homeland and she needed to know my height, weight, age, zodiac sign, skin tone, body shape, and if I have any diseases “in case anyone asked.”

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