Ever listen to Hindu mythological stories and think something’s whack or that if these Gods and Goddesses were real people, you wouldn’t want them in your life?

The narrative around particular Gods and Goddesses just didn’t sit well with me. There, I said it. *Waits for village elders to show up at doorstep with torches.*

But seriously, there were a few personality traits that would be absolute deal breakers if these Gods and Goddesses were mere mortals. So here you have it, four avatars of the Almighty I just couldn’t be friends with.

*Waits for lightning to strike.*

1.  Schizo Shiva

Homie has anger management problems. I reckon we’d be out getting our party on and the slightest thing may provoke him; his third eye would open and boom! Night over.

You’d think all that ganja would make him a bit more level headed, but he’s known to have zero chill at times. I’m looking at you and yuh elephant head, Ganesh.

Shiva would also be a hard nut to crack. He’s always going in-between extremes, sometimes hedonistic, other times aesthetic. Bruh, pick a mood!

2.  Sprung AF Sita

Sita is a bit too extra in her devotion to Bae. I don’t know if I could be a friend to a woman who has blind faith in her husband who, quite frankly, does her wrong IMHO.

Also, I don’t know how much of a good friend Sita could be to me. She’s the friend you go out with for a catch-up, but she’s constantly texting Bae to find out if he ate, how his day went, and what he’s thinking. Meanwhile, you’re staring at her like Homegirl, wanna tell me how you’re doing. Better yet, want to know how I’m doing?

She’s also the type who keeps going back to her man even after he’s done her wrong. I’m not talking ‘he constantly forgets to put the toilet seat down’ kinda wrong. I’m talking about he gets her preggers and sends her away to a forest kinda wrong.  Drama. There would be too much drama. Also, she’s always going away to be with her man or sent away by her man to, umm, raise her kids in the wild. 

Bye, Sita.

3. Holier Than Though Rama

Speaking of too much drama, there’s Rama, Sita’s Bae.  I couldn’t be someone’s friend who clearly has a holier than thou martyrdom syndrome. Not to mention, he’s a bit too much from the good ole boy’s club for my liking.

He’s always dharma this and dharma that but hullloooo? Like really bruh, you’re preaching what’s wrong and right? You tested the purity of your wife by setting her ablaze and you sent her, your baby momma into a forest.

Boy, bye.

4. Cray Cray Kali

I love me a strong girlfriend, someone who has my back, and I’ll have hers. But then there are girlfriends who seem like they’re straight up bloodthirsty and looking to get in a brawl every time we’re at the club. This would be Kali. She’s cool as hell…but also mad as hell, which would leave me exhausted.

Fight the patriarchy! Oh girl, yasss, I know, we must! But I must confess, sometimes I just wanna chill and not fight the good fight. Or fight just to fight.

I would need a friend who is passionate yet chill.

Toodles, Kali. Don’t harm me.

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