South Asian-Americans know going home for the holidays isn’t all mummy’s cooking and time with family. It’s peppered with typical desi family ingredients: guilt, laughter, personal questions, sobriety and more. You can’t avoid any of these things but if nothing else, perhaps this review will help you mentally prepare for the inevitable.
1. Stuck in a time warp
No matter how old you get, your parents think of you as a highschooler. You’re still the kid who should be home at 8 or 9 pm, who needs to call when you go out, the kid who needs to borrow the car or have your parents drive you.
2. Having to be nice when you’re really about that naughty life
If you smoke (cigarettes, weed or hookah), drink, or take drugs you best believe you’re going to be sober for that time at home. A drink is acceptable when it’s a glass of wine at dinner with your family but pounding shots probably isn’t going to happen.
3. Fake news in form of yogurt containers
You can never trust yogurt and ice cream containers in a desi household BECAUSE IT WILL NEVER CONTAIN what’s on the label and if it does, your parents are trying to jedi mind trick you. You’ll usually find an aachar (pickle), chutney, a curry of some sort, or hell, even sewing equipment. It’s confusing and it’s probably where our trust issues stem from.
4. The Dreadful Marriage Conversation
If you’re not married at you’re older than 23, then expect everyone from grandparents to the aunty down the street to pelt you with marriage questions. Unless you fake some kind of sickness… wait. That’s not going to work, let’s face it there’s always a doctor at a desi party. You can only avoid questions if you’re dead or don’t go to the party. Be prepared for your biodata to go up on shaadi.com or to be set up with a family friend you have nothing in common with.
5. No props given…ever
If you’re not in med or law school or if you’re not studying to be an engineer, then you know what it’s like to be the face of disappointment! When you proudly mention where it is you’ve landed a job, that annoying aunty or uncle will smirk and tells you why their darling beta has a better job. Just rely on whatever alcohol you can slyly consume and you’ll tune it out. Oh but wait, you can’t really get crunk drunk because revisit #2 on this list.